I know this post is something I wrote on my laptop almost a month ago, but this is my journal, and since I only really keep a journal here, I don't want to forget things. While we have addressed some of the issues, it needs to be here, for me...
Ever feel like things are too good to be true???
I just feel like before J went to see his family, things were amazing… we were looking at places, getting along wonderfully, and really enjoying this second chance at love. I am sure I am just overly stressed, and therefore sensitive, and he is really busy, but he just sounds distant on the phone this past week.
I got us a place, and I want this so bad, he and I to have a home of ours again. Honestly though, I didn’t have to move out. I WANT to, but I don’t need to. I am doing this for US. He was super excited before he left, writing me a check for half of the deposit and first month rent.
I know he has a lot going on, his mom can be kind of stressful, and his grandma is a trip and a half, not always in a good way. He is doing a lot of driving in the mountains, and he is dealing with a lot. I just wish he sounded more excited. I only get to talk to him for about 5min a day, and even then the signal keeps going in and out. I just can’t wait for him to be home to help me set up our home together. I want to get most of the boxes moved in, and would like to have the bedroom set up before he gets home, but I want to do the rest together.
I broke down Wed night when he was able to call me…. I am moving, signing leases, packing, unpacking, arranging moving crews, etc…. all alone. I know I am not the only girl to do this, and I should consider myself lucky that he is only gone for 2 weeks, but I am just not used to having to do this myself. I just have this weird feeling that he is having second thoughts, and I am worried I am going to be all alone soon, with a 1 yr lease I may not be able to afford on my own, that I didn’t need.
I just want him home, and then I can breathe.
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