Blogher Prompt: The First Time I was in Love... and being terrified to press "Publish"

*While I have touched base on this in previous posts... I am going to be letting a huge weight of my chest.  I am not going to be giving all of the details, but I feel like I am putting more of my cards on the table than I have before.  I am not going to lie... I am terrified of pushing the Publish button.  I realize my situation is NOT common, but it works for me and I am the happiest I have been in years.  

If you have specific questions, feel free to leave a comment or send me an email.  I have no problem talking to people about my relationship, or our situation.  Just getting up the courage to leave it all here, I suppose...

The first time I was in love... As a teenager, I thought I was in love with my first BF, but after being with J for 11yrs (give or take some separation time),and seeing how love can stretch over time and distance, I think I was in love with the idea at 15.  I wanted the romance, and while the person I was dating was my best friend, he and I were not a long term match.

Fast forward... J and I were friends also, for a long time.  We started casually dating, hanging out and having a blast.  But something changed.  I can't tell you the exact time I realized it, but I knew a long time before it happened that this was the man I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with.  My fairytale came true in the form of our wedding, but then the heartbreak happened.
I still thought that the signing of the papers was NOT going to happen, even as soon as the morning of.  But it did.  We still were casually seeing each other after that. 
Then something happened.  In the summer of 2010, we started dating again.  Nothing serious, but it felt just like it had 9yrs prior.  Granted, we were older, and I had my trust issues, based on the past yr, but I loved this man, with all of my heart, and I wanted this to work.  In May 2011, we made the leap towards moving in together again.  We talk about moving forward all the time.  Will we ever take the "plunge" and get re-married??  I don't know, but I know this man has my heart.  Through the good and the bad, sickness and in health.  He is my best friend, and that is all I need right now...