I’m really starting to sit back and look at things from a new perspective. I told my friend last week that I really felt like I needed to take the time to “unplug and unwind”, and she agreed. Apparently I am not the only one feeling this way. After talking to J, he told me he understands that I like to be busy, and that I am social, but why not just “order a pizza and snuggle on the couch” on a Friday night?? It sounds pretty amazing, if you ask me.
I guess I am struggling with a lot of things right now, things I don’t like to talk about, and I’ve really been super conscious not to whine and complain. But I am not Super Woman, I am not perfect, and I really struggle with that.
I would love for everyone to think I am perfect in my job, that I come home and the house is always clean, laundry is always done, there is never any chaos. That I balance a crazy schedule and none of the things I am juggling ever “flops”… but in all honesty, it would be the biggest lie ever.
Most days I come home exhausted, feeling like I could have put another 7hrs in at work and still not be happy with what still needed to be done. The house is a mess (seriously, if I posted pictures of what it looks like this very second, you would be appalled) and there are always about 4 loads of laundry either needing to be done or needing to be folded and put away. I feel like I am always running from one meeting or commitment to the next, and like I am always 3steps behind where I need to be. Sometimes I feel great about what I have actually accomplished, but then I look at the To Do list, and it just deflates me and makes me what to sob.
Why as women do we feel like we need to do “everything”? The extra committees, the more nights out, the fewer hours at home with our feet up? Am I the only one that feels like I have to schedule everything, and then feels like a failure when I don’t meet my own deadlines? It’s insanity if you ask me… and with the holidays coming up, it’s only going to be worse…
I am really going to focus this next month on getting back on a track for ME and my Family. Stop worrying about pleasing everyone, and really just do what I need to do to not feel a sense of panic everyday about what I am missing. Really focus on the people who love and support me, and what I can do to be a better girlfriend, friend, sister, aunt, daughter, granddaughter, etc. And if I make a mistake, I need to realize I am only human, and it happens.
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