How do you feel about uncertainty? Is it exciting or scary?

This is another draft post... it was a Blogher Prompt from a while back, and when I wrote this Sunday, it was the perfect time.

I am in the complete middle of a panic attack, even though I know I have J to lean on.  I am working out my budget for the Month of July, and apparently I forgot to pay my medical bill in June, leaving a double payment due this month, which I was already worried about (and yes I know it's the end of June... ugh!).  J has a great job, and we have always "helped" each other out.  Even though we keep separate bank accts now, my money has always been his, and vise versa.  So why do I feel like a scum bag asking for help?

So, uncertainty.  Being uncertain about my finances this summer, hoping I could drop my summer job?  Not going to happen...  I hate uncertainty.  It scares the hell out of me and always has.  From not knowing what was going to happen in my marriage, to now knowing about my job, to not knowing if I would find a new one, then worrying about some place to live, etc  I have always been the queen of panic attacks and worrying.  I worry so much that I often make myself sick and can't sleep.

So, now I am uncertain about this bill.  Trivial in the grand scheme of things... yep/  But it worries me now.  Worries me as to where I am going to magically be able to make money appear, how they will react re: my credit, the whole thing.  I hate it...